Monday, January 28, 2008

Masters of Horror: A Guide to Surviving the Series

After nearly two years of waiting, watching and more waiting, all of Showtime's Masters of Horror episodes are now available on DVD. In this 26 volume series, one will find a vast amount of variety and some very disparate takes on the horror genre. For those not familiar, Masters of Horror was a series that set out to give famous horror film directors the opportunity to create an hour-long film with a decent budget and free reign to film what they desire. Of course, they ended up with some discrepancies. They edited Dario Argento's Jenifer and they chose not air Takashi Miike's Imprint at all. Showtime's series (also referred to as MoH) was a great accomplishment that had a bunch of stinkers and a few moments of genius, and I am going to give you a brief episode guide with my rating. Please keep in mind that I am rating the series against itself and not as individual films. I think that the series works as an entity separate of other horror films. While some episodes may not be considered great films, they are acceptable entries into the series. I have started with the title, the director follows with my star rating. Thus I am pleased to present my guide to Showtime's Masters of Horror.

***** - Freakin' awesome

**** - Very nice indeed

*** - Pretty good. Not bad for a MoH episode, but kinda lame when compared to real-deal horror movies.

** - Meh.

* - A waste of film and everyone involved in the making of this should be ashamed and appalled and should not be allowed to make movies anymore.

Season 1

Incident On and Off a Mountain Road (Don Coscarelli, ****) - I love Don Coscarelli. He made Bubba Ho-Tep, which I adored. This film is a traditional bit of horror about a damsel in distress who is hunted and chased through the woods to a creepy cabin by a deformed freak. It's tense, gory and pretty much everything one would hope for from a horror film.

H.P. Lovecraft's Dreams in the Witch House (
Stuart Gordon, ***) - Kinda fun but silly story about a student who moves into a haunted house and starts having crazy dreams. It's fun because I seem to remember that there are extended scenes of a rat with a man's face and that was cool.

Dance of the Dead (Tobe Hooper, **) - Interesting concept that falls short. In the not-too-distant dystopian future, people pay to see corpses injected with junk that makes them jerk about and appear to be dancing. Shoddy camera work and stupid MTV-style fast editing make this almost painful to watch. Could have been very cool.

Jenifer (
Dario Argento, *****) - My husband's fave. Steven Weber rescues a woman with a super hot body and a seriously busted up monster face and ends up obsessed with her. They have lots of weird sex and then she eats children and midgets. It's funny and scary and works as a Beauty and the Beast in reverse.

Chocolate (
Mick Garris, **) - Mick Garris is not only the director but also the creator of the MoH series. This one is just rather boring. A guy keeps randomly projecting into the body of a hot young Canadian woman who commits a murder. Snore. I guess not much interesting happens in Canada.

Homecoming (
Joe Dante, *) - Ugh. A stupid movie that tries to be a political commentary (I HATE that). Soldiers that have died in Iraq come back from the dead and want to place their vote in the next election. Oh, it's really really bad.

Deer Woman (
John Landis, ****) - What a hoot! This one is about as far from scary as you can get, but it's really good fun. Based on Native American legend, a woman with a hot upper body and deer legs stalks men. The men get all turned on my her beautiful face and, um, assets, but they don't notice her crazy deer legs under her long skirt. Once she gets 'em hot and bothered, Deer Woman tramples them to death with the deer legs. Police are baffled, hilarity ensues.

Cigarette Burns (
John Carpenter, ****) - This was the first episode I ever watched, and I was completely hooked. The story follows a movie theatre owner who is contracted out to track down rare prints of films. An eccentric collector (played by Udo Kier, of course) hires the guy to track down a movie entitled La Fin Absolue Du Monde which screened once at a film fest and drove the audience to madness. This one is unique and creepy and sorta makes you wish that La Fin Absolue Du Monde was a real film except for the fact that the "clips" you get to see towards the end are a bit disappointing.

Fair-Haired Child (
William Malone, ***) - Almost but not quite great. A strange couple kidnaps a pretty young blonde girl and throws her in their basement where she meets a dirty mute kid. The blonde and the mute see signs that other kids died in the basement and start freaking out. Then the mute turns into a hideous beast with wire hair who tries to eat the blonde. It has its moments and the end is pretty good.

Sick Girl (
Lucky McKee, ****) - My friend Atlanta's absolute favorite. She convinced me to watch it a second time, and it plays better upon repeat viewings. It takes a while to get used to Angela Bettis' entomologist, but you must go with the flow and you'll be rewarded. The story concerns lonely lesbian scientist Bettis who obsessively collects insects and keeps them in her apartment. She receives a mysterious package that harbors a strange insect unlike anything she's ever seen before. At about the same time, she meets a beautiful blonde who likes her for who she is and doesn't mind all the creepy crawly critters hanging around. It's a sweet love story. With bugs. This lead me to track down Lucky McKee's movie May which also stars Angela Bettis and is just a wonderful film.

Pick Me Up (
Larry Cohen, ***) - From the director of Black Caesar and Q:The Winged Serpent comes this potentially nifty episode that ultimately falls flat. Fairuza Balk, my favorite actress, stars as a lone traveler caught in a cat and mouse game between two serial killers. The gimick is that one serial killer is a hitchhiker who kills the people who give him a lift, the other is a trucker who kills his hitchhikers. I give it 3 stars for Fairuza's performance alone, otherwise it's too dull and the ending is lame.

Haeckel's Tale (
John McNaughton, ***) - I didn't think I would enjoy this one, but it is pretty decent. Based on a story by Clive Barker, the story concerns a young man whose wife has recently died. He pays a visit to a witch in hopes that she will bring his love back to life. The witch tells a story explaining to the man why this is not the best idea. As usual, bringing back the dead is a foolhardy effort. I just looked at Clive's Imdb page and he's not aging well. Teeth are an issue. Just an observance.

Imprint (
Takashi Miike, *****) - Ah, my favorite. This one was banned from airing in the U.S., so I was desperate to see it. Miike's Audition upset me greatly so I was eager to see what he had in store for me. I got way more than I bargained for. Beautiful costumes, gratutious torture and terrible acting make for the most entertaining (and most disturbing) episode. Billy Drago, the best actor ever, plays Christopher, a "Yankee" who visits a remote island in Japan to rescue the prostitute Kimomo to whom he swore his love and troth. A disfigured whore relates Kimomo's horrible fate to the very distressed Christopher. I am still upset that Showtime didn't have the gonads to air this, but there are scenes of intense torture involving needles, abortions and aborted babies, incest, rape and murder. Not for the faint of heart.

Season 2

The Damnded Thing (Tobe Hooper, **) - Tobe Hooper, the creator of the classics The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Poltergeist, turns in another boring effort. This is about some sort of oil monster that terrorizes a small town. It starts off well enough, but builds to nothing and gets boring. Ted Raimi alleviates the dullness but showing up as preacher.

Family (
John Landis, ****) - Landis comes back for season 2 with another great episode. George Wendt (yep, Norm) is a nutjob living in the suburbs who is murdering people, stripping them of flesh and blood, and then parading their skeletons around the house dressed up as his "family". His new neighbors are the friendly, all-American upper middle class type who befriend him. They begin to suspect that 'ol Norm ain't what he seems.

The V-Word (
Ernest Dickerson, ***) - This is the only episode about vampires. I love a good vampire movie, and this one is okay. Two teenage boys visit a funeral home on a dare and discover that not all the bodies are exactly dead. They get chased and around and bit by the head vampire, Michael Ironside.

Sounds Like (
Brad Anderson, *) - The plot is more like an episode of The Twilight Zone than a horror movie. A middle-aged man whose son recently died starts to discover that his hearing is becoming more accute. Soon the amplification begins to drive him insane. Could have been cool but I was seriously bored to tears. I believe that the greatest sin that a movie can commit is to be boring. Thus my one star rating.

Pro-Life (
John Carpenter, ****) - Carpenter hasn't made a decent movie in well over a decade, but his MoH entries are really superb. This one plays upon the fears of both pro-lifers and pro-abortionists. It's a creepy affair starring Ron Perlman as a father who is determined to keep his young daughter from procurring an abortion. The daughter wants an abortion because she is convinced that she's carrying demon spawn. She's right.

Pelts (
Dario Argento, *****) - I heart Dario Argento. This is terrific and very gory and often funny. Meat Loaf stars, so it's automatically ahead of the game. Anyway, Meat Loaf is a total bastard who operates a shady fur trade out of a small sweatshop. He gets ahold of some magical raccoon pelts that he shouldn't have. The pelts subsequently cause those who pet them to go really nuts and inflict all sorts of violent, grotty acts of masochism. This might be the most gory of all of the episodes.

The Screwfly Solution (
Joe Dante, *) - Another dull shitfest from Joe Dante. This one is about a outbreak of a disease that causes agression in males towards females. Eventually there are very few ladies around. I can't tell if this one is misogynistic or if it's about how men are a bunch of violent jerks. Who cares? Not me. Judging from message boards and a few of my friends, a lot of folks enjoyed this one. It stars Jason Priestley. Need I say more?

Valerie on the Stairs (
Mick Garris, ***) - Mick Garris improves greatly after his dull first episode, Chocolate. Based on a Clive Barker short story, this one is about a poor writer who moves into a house that's a collective of sorts for struggling writers. The poor schmuck starts seeing a hottie on the stairs of the house and she begs him to rescue her from her hulking demon lover. It's rather good, but again falls short on the ending which attempts to be a bit too existential.

Right to Die (
Rob Schmidt, **) - Another horror movie that attempts a commentary on social issues. This time, a smarmy adulterer's wife is in a horrible accident and ends up in a coma. The shiesty bastard must decided whether or not to keep her on life support. The wife is pissed and haunts him. Martin Donovan plays the jerky husband. I used to love him, but this was a waste of his talent. The wife's fake boobies annoyed me, too.

We All Scream for Ice Cream (Tom Holland, ****) - This one has absolutely the BEST premise. A group of men are being stalked by a retarded clown that they accidentally killed when they were preteens. Yes, retarded (oops, I'm in Virginia! I mean Intellectually Challenged) clown. The clown just happens to be played by William Forsythe. Can you ask for much more?

The Black Cat (
Stuart Gordon, **) - Disappointing take on the Edgar Allan Poe classic, told from the point of view of a drunken Poe. Poe is irritated by his wife's black cat. Blah.

The Washingtonians (
Peter Medak, *) - This dumbass episode was about a stupid family who stumbles across "evidence" that George Washington was a vicious, bloodthirsty cannibal. This secret is protected by a bunch of crazy people or ghosts or something with bad teeth and powdered wigs. It's ridiculous AND boring. Just awful.

Dream Cruise (
Norio Tsuruta,**) - I had high hopes for this one being that I love J-horror. Based on a short story by Koji Suzuki (author of Ringu), Dream Cruise tells the tale of an American finance specialist who falls for his client's lovely wife. The client is quite the jealous husband and he coerces the American onto his boat for a nightmare cruise. The movie begins well with some good scares, then deteriorates into another vengeful-Japanese-female-ghost-with-wet-hair story. Plus, this one runs for an hour and half, which is 30 minutes longer than the usual MoH runtime. It probably would have worked better in the shorter format.

And that's it. Showtime is run by ninnies who didn't pick up the series for a third season. It's sad to think that there may be no more, cause it was a great idea with some wonderful moments of genuis. There won't be any fulfillment of my dream director episodes (Rob Zombie would have been my first choice for a director). However, my life was a little happier knowing that Masters of Horror was in existance and that such an endeavor came to fruition. Me and the Masters had our ups and downs over the past two years, but it was a relationship that I will always remember and cherish, and anytime I need a fix I can reach for the shelf and grab an hour of Argento or Carpenter and relive those memories.

Why I believe my family secretly hates me

I am a movie buff. Truly, I hate going to see movies that I don't choose. I detest having to defer to the tastes of others and allow someone else to choose the movie, especially if we're going to a theatre. Granted, I don't always choose great films. However, I don't think I'll ever let my husband or mother do to me again what they have done to me recently.

My mother is in her mid-fifties. She's awesome and funny and cool, but like the best of us, she has her idiosyncrasies. She loves to watch the Sci-Fi Channel and particularly loves their special made-for-tv creature features. These generally showcase some genetically engineered insect or reptile who wreaks havoc upon a small town. They lizard/snake/alligator/spider beast is taken out by a group of courageous townspeople, usually headed up by a feisty, busty brunette scientist and her brawny hero (played by some revered actor like Lorenzo Lamas). On Saturdays my mother does laundry and watches these horrible movies. In addition to these crapfests, my mother enjoys some legitimately decent sci-fi like the Alien movies. She also loved Predator. And yes, she enjoyed AVP: Alien Vs. Predator. Thus we arrive at her plea for my husband and I to take her to see AVP 2: Alien Vs. Predator - Requiem. So two weeks ago we took her to see it. Guess what??!!! It was awful. Painful and awful. I watched the first two Alien movies about 15 years ago, and I've never seen a Predator movie. If you haven't seen AVP Part 1, then you are totally screwed watching the new one. I couldn't even tell the Aliens from the Predators (evidently there are hybrids now). It was an hour and a half of complete confusion and boredom. However, it wasn't nearly as painful as what I suffered through yesterday.
Yep, that's right. My husband is a Rambo fan.
I agreed to go with him to the movies (he bought me popcorn) to see this latest Rambo movie. I was a bit morbidly curious to see how decrepit Stallone looks. I half expected him to be toothless and dragging his colostomy bag through the jungle. Instead, he just looks really weird and doughy with a giant scary neck. The film was an hour and half of pointless, senseless depraved violence with no point whatsoever. There wasn't really a plot to speak of and no characters. Rambo didn't do a whole lot other than look irritated and blow some stuff up. The violence is supposed to be a realistic depiction, but instead it's simply gratuitous and sad.
So now I have wasted over 3 hrs of my life on these atrocities. These are 3 hrs I will never have returned to me. I know that I had an option not to go, which in hindsight would have been the intelligent thing to do. My family members did not bind and gag me and drag me to the theatres whilst prying my eyes open a la Clockwork Orange. I did exhibit some free will, and I am dumber for having done so. Could it have been worse? Perhaps. I could have had to watch Atonement. The funniest part is that my mother thought AVP2 was awful and my husband hated the Rambo movie. Funnier still is that both of them were surprised that these movies sucked! I was not surprised.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Heath Ledger died

Shit. Heath Ledger died today. Last week it was Brad Renfro, all of 25. Now Ledger, also my junior at the age of 28. This is tragic, his child was two years old. I loved him together with Michelle Williams and was weirdly sad about their breakup. I guess the age range makes me relate more to them than other celebrities. I don't know.


My weekend was weird. It was not very good. I was happy to get back to work. Most days are great and easy and I don't think about all the stuff I am not supposed to do. But every now and then I have a really, really bad time of it and the world just crumbles. My husband is the greatest human being in the world.

So mad props to Matt, go visit him here.

My friend Atlanta attended the Dresden Dolls show with me at the NorVa last week. She has posted a great rundown of the show along with some great pics on her blog. Check it out here.

My sister is in a band in the D.C. area called the Friends of the Library. They were live on the D.C. radio station WMUC 88.1FM's program called Third Rail Radio. They sounded great. Well, my sister sounded great. The mix was kinda lousy (we listened to the live stream online) and the vocalist was a bit shaky (could be attributed to the mix?). I will post a recording of the program soon.

Saw several movies over the weekend. Friday we watched John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson in 1408. The movie started off really well but deteriorated into boring "evil haunted place" cliches like bleeding walls. I'm sorry, but a radio playing The Carpenter's "We've Only Just Begun" isn't that terrifying. A bit irritating, but not frightening. 1408 was quite the disappointment. Then next up we watched "Masters of Horror: The Washingtonians". I intend to do an extensive post about the Masters of Horror series very soon (I have one more episode to watch before I am able to say I've seen them all). I'm a big fan of the Masters of Horror series, but this was just appallingly bad. Boring and stupid and ridiculous. The premise was that a nice, normal family discovers a piece of lost history that proves that George Washington, President Numero Uno, was a vicious cannibal. This sounds kinda funny and could have been played for campy laughs, but they tried to play it too straight-faced and it was just retarded. Oops, according to new state legislation I can't use that word. Our P.C. government wants me to use the phrase "people with intellectual disabilities" in place of the term "retarded". So "The Washingtonians" was intellectually disabled. In case you are wondering, the replacement of the word "retarded" has made front page news here. Check out here if you are interested.

Also, I watched Eastern Promises for the second time and it's one of those rare movies that plays even better upon a second viewing. Took my grandmother to see No Country for Old Men and that was great a second time. Grandmother loved it, too. Then yesterday Matt and I hit the theatre once more for some lighter fare with Juno. I rather enjoyed Juno, and I like it better the more I think about it. My expectations were really low on this one so I was not at all disappointed. Then last night I saw The Simpsons Movie for the second time and it works just as well on time # 2.

That sums up the past few days of my life. Thanks for reading!

Thursday, January 17, 2008

New Me

The lighting here in my office stinks, so this isn't the best picture. At least you get the idea.

It's rather blurry, but there was an issue with the flash. Oh well. Better picture may come at some point, hopefully after I'm fully healed. It's quite pretty, I'm very pleased. I got this done at Fuzion Ink in Norfolk, VA by the artist Gabriel Cece. He's quite the talent and it was worth waiting 4 months to have this done. It's certainly bigger than I had initially conceived, but it's a better than I had imagined it would be. Wow! My arm looks huge. I should make my belldancing name "La Gargantua".

Old me

This is a crummy picture I took myself, so I apologize. This is my tattoo one week ago. It's my left arm. It is the Japanese (and Chinese) kanji for "love". The red circle was supposed to represent the rising sun on the flag of Japan. Often people just thought it was a temporary tattoo or a sticker on my arm. My friend has graciously agreed to take a photo of my new tattoo today, so hopefully I will post the new version of me later on this afternoon.
Wow! My arm looks huge.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Miracles happen every day

Lately I've been loudly griping about artists touring far away or not at all. Of course, I shouldn't complain because I attended a lot of great concerts last year (and two so far this year!). Nevertheless, I was saddened by my inability to hear some of my faves live (as detailed in my post about the great disappointments of 2007).

Now I have to shut the hell up and rejoice, for Serj Tankian is coming to town next month! That's right kids, Serj is hitting the NorVa on Feb. 15th. Tix on sale this weekend!

If I could ask for any artist to perform at any venue, it would be Tom Waits at the theatre where I work. But that's a pipe dream of enormous proportions, so I am deeply satisfied with Serj coming anywhere close at all, let alone less than 30min from my home. 2008 is shaping up to be grand!

Special thanks to Sam for giving me the heads up on this and making my day/week/month/year.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Red Letter Day

Today is my third wedding anniversary! My wonderful husband and I have managed to avoid the two "D's" (Divorce and Death) for three whole great years. I love Matt!

In other news, Vampira passed away.

Friday, January 11, 2008

what prompts hundreds of people to pay 3,500 yen each to watch a roped schoolboy trying to beat up his disabled, cross-dressing father

Yesterday as I was waiting in the tattoo parlor to begin my session, I picked up an old issue of the UK magazine Bizarre. Inside was an article that you wouldn't believe. This is not the exact article, this is a link to a legitimate online news source. It's an older article, but I had never heard of such a thing until yesterday. Be warned.



Oh me oh my.
I got a tattoo yesterday. It's a great deal larger than I had intended. It's stunning, but it's big. Really really big. Large.
I'll post photos soon. Right now it's sore and red from the 5 hrs of tattooing.
It's big.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Be still, my heart

I just put in Richard Hawley's new album Lady's Bridge. It's exactly like his earlier albums. Lush, romantic, melodramatic, beautiful. Good gracious. I haven't listened to him in such a long time that I forgot how completely weak I get when I hear his music. I had to blink back tears when the chorus of the first song began. Sitting in my office is not the place to listen to this glorious music. I need to be in my room, eyes closed and relaxed on my bed or on my velvet couch, hanging on Hawley's every note. This is the music you want to hear in your dreams.

Speaking of dreams, I dreamt last night that I was a member of the all-male ballet troupe Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo. I was a wonderful dancer. When someone asked why I was in the troupe since I am a female, I explained that I was indeed a boy. My mother had wanted a baby girl so she raised me as a girl and I continued to live as one, despite my male anatomy that granted me intrance into the Trockadero troupe.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Devil Music

Last night, Sunday January 6th, my husband and I paid a visit to Rob Zombie at the NorVa in Norfolk.

What a show! I consider Zombie to be quite a Renaissance man, what with his music career, comic art and stories, and his filmmaking. Having watched a lot of interviews with Zombie regarding his films, I understand him to a creative, intelligent and well spoken gentleman. In his live show, he turns into quite the showman. He's a redneck carnival barker in his artfully tattered jeans and cowboy hat. His stage persona is quite a distance from the concise, easygoing and natural guy we see in 30 Days in Hell: The Making of the Devil's Rejects. Being such a film buff, I had all but forgotten that Rob Zombie is as much a metal icon as he is a respected filmmaker.

With his guttural growl, Zombie led the sold out crowd to metalhead heaven. The modest NorVa stage was decked out like an arena with 5 video screens simultaneously bombarding the audience with graphic imagery from films and comics. There was enough onscreen blood and naked boobies to satisfy the horror film fans alone. The music was loud and pumping, and fifteen hundred happy fans threw fists in the air (yours truly included) as Zombie played hits like "Living Dead Girl" as well as White Zombie classics like "More Human than Human". Two nearly identical dancing girls flanked the stage on top of huge platforms while grinding along to the throbs of songs like "American Witch" and "House of 1000 Corpses". Clips from Zombie's films as well as horror classics like Murnau's Nosferatu and a bevy of explicit anime films played on the video screens. It was a veritable smorgasbord of heavy metal delights.

I'm a rather reserved person and I prefer my concerts to be like The Dresden Dolls show a the the Sixth and I Synagogue. I like an early start time, a nice show, and maybe some seats. However, I make exceptions from time to time. Rob Zombie may not be the most sophisticated act I've seen before, but he sure does put on a helluva show. I don't think there was a disappointed redneck among us.

*The pictures you see were taken by my husband with his cellphone camera, so pardon the quality. Hopefully you can get a sense of what was going on. Check out the dancing girl on the platform!

Friday, January 4, 2008


Here's a rough list of the best and worst of 2007. Mostly its albums and movies and junk. Tell me what your favorites of 2007 were. In fact, I'll make this a tag. All y'all! Every single one of you bloggers who read this. Tag! Write your top 5 or 10 favorite things and least favorite things that happened in 2007. Oh, these are in no particular order, I have just been typing this stuff as it comes to me.

Things that Lived Up to and then Exceeded My Expectations

1. Mika Ninagawa’s Sakuran – My favorite art direction in a movie ever.
2. Serj Tankian’s Elect the Dead – Turns out that as much as I love System of a Down, it’s really just Serj Tankian that I love.
3. Gwen Stefani’s “Sweet Escape” tour – This was pure, unadulterated schmaltz and cheesy pop music at its finest. The tour included the lovely Harajuku Girls, a variety of exceptional musicians, some breakdancers and nice video and stage settings. Gwen Stefani is my mainstream goddess and I am no longer ashamed to proclaim my allegiance.
4. No Country for Old Men – The Coen Brothers made a riveting film out of an extraordinary novel.
5. Grindhouse – Tarantino and Rodriguez delivered the goods. I heard a lot of griping about the lull in the first hour of Death Proof, but I’m not buying it. I loved every minute, and the last half hour was perhaps the best thing Tarantino’s shot. I loved the fake trailers and everything, it made for one of the best movie-going experiences in memory. I watched the extended versions of both films this week. Planet Terror is just as awesome, but Death Proof is actually a lot more dull than the theatrical version. The extended cut includes a very long, boring scene at a convenience store. It also includes one of the most disappointing lap dances ever. I will wait with baited breath for the complete Grindhouse theatrical version to be released on DVD, fake trailers and all.
6. Josh Brolin in the two movies above.
7. My new house – It is kind of a weird house. It’s a far cry from what kind of house I imagined I would live in. Now that we’ve settled in, I love my house more and more each day. There’s still much to be done, but it feels more like home all the time. It’s still an old lady house, but I’m a bit of an old lady myself.
8. L.A. Ink – I love this show. It’s glossy and vacuous, but it’s so much fun. And I love that bossa nova cover version of Billy Idol’s “Dancing With Myself” by Nouvelle Vague that plays over the beginning credits.
9. Graceland – Visiting Elvis’ home was so awesome. The fanatics are unbelievably devoted and reverent. The people-watching alone is worth the price of airfare.
10. My dog still has his weird and wonky lower front teeth. They haven’t had to come out and he hasn’t knocked ‘em out yet! This makes me so happy every time I see him. I’ll see if I can’t get a good photo of his teeth to post.
11. Puffy's latest album Honeycreeper, cause Puffy can do no wrong. It's a delightful record!

Most Crushing Disappointments of 2007

1. Across the Universe – perhaps the worst two hours and 20 minutes of 2007
2. Snoop Dogg’s E! television show, Father Hood- Such a complete disappointment. I was so anxious to see the show. Snoop Dogg delivers a boring, staged show that serves as an excuse to watch gangsta Snoop fuss at his kids and vacuum. It’s so bad, so very bad.
3. The White Stripes Icky Thump – I was so anxious for this record and I think I’ve listened to it maybe twice. The second time was more out of hope and pity.
4. The Cure’s rescheduling of their Oct tour until May 2008 (although at least I have something to look forward to)
5. Spiderman 3- Oh, Sam Raimi! How far the mighty can fall.
6. Rilo Kiley Under the Blacklight – I got this album for my husband who has a thing for Jenny Lewis. Her solo record was pretty damn good. The Rilo Kiley albums were very good, too. I was particularly partial to “The Execution of All Things”. This new one is way too polished and sounds like too great of an attempt to go mainstream. And it’s boring, too.
7. Park Chan Wook’s I’m a Cyborg But That’s Okay – After the glorious masterpieces Oldboy and Sympathy for Lady Vengeance, my hopes were perhaps too high. This boring film about lonely souls falling in love in a mental institution (one of whom believes she is a robot) should have played like a postmodern Benny & Joon. Instead, it was an hour and a half of a girl talking to a vending machine. The film looked beautiful, it just didn’t have the vitality of Park Chan Wook’s previous films.
8. Touring artists that skip this area. I’m irritated that some of my favorite artists keep jumping right over Virginia and D.C. and skip immediately to New York (I’m talking to YOU, Foo Fighters and Serj Tankian!). I also get perturbed by the groups that bypass the east coast altogether (that’s you, Puffy).
9. The Flaming Lips live show –Not only is the show almost exactly the same as it was on the Yoshimi tour (save for some cool stuff with laser pointers), the fans are really annoying. Drunken hippies shoving me and spilling beer on my pretty shoes while yelling “Play Ego Tripping!” is not my idea of a good time.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

New blog for all to enjoy

My friend Sam is a wonderful and funny writer. He has a new blog that's focusing on local music. Check it out at www.toggleswitchvirginia.blogspot.com

Wednesday, January 2, 2008


Did everyone have a safe, happy New Year? It's that time of year again, kiddos. Time when everyone asks what your resolutions for 2008 are, time when you're supposed to reevaluate your life and fix all the things that are wrong or perhaps just adjust things a tad so that you will be a better and more complete human being. It's horrible pressure, it really is.

This year, predictably, I resolve to lose some weight (I resolve this every year and I don't think I'm ever successful) and exercise more (I accomplished this last year but just ate more so it wasn't very useful). Also, I resolve to spend more time with my grandmother. I was a bit neglectful of her this past year, substituting actual time together with quick phone calls full of excuses. Shame on me. Lastly, I resolve to keep taking bellydance lessons and get good enough to graduate from Remedial Bellydance for Spazzers to the basic Tribal courses. That's not a picture of me above, of course. That's Rachel Brice of the Bellydance Superstars. She's the Tribal bellydance goddess.

So, friends, what are your resolutions?